tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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