Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
