he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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