Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
