Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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