bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
