I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
