i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
