Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wanna passion pit in your ass
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
