um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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