I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
