I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
