You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
