some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
