just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
