Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
