Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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