K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
