If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
