My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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