He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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