I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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