until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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