So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
