There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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