You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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