Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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