I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
