yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
