My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
