i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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