Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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