I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
