Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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