dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
