dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Let's get the cat blown out
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
