you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
