dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
