I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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