so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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