apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
