U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
