i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
