You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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