I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
