Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
