i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
