If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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