I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
