i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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